So I've come to the conclusion today that:

- I don't know what the fuck I'm doing with my life
- I don't know what I want to do with my life
- I want to do something with my life
- My gpa is a piece of shit
- I'm taking career cruising tests until the day I die
- I don't know what I'm going to do after University
- I can't even get a regular job in this city
- So getting a higher up job will probably be impossible
- I wish I wasn't so afraid of talking on the phone
- Or to people in general
- I wish I could buy self-esteem and get some confidence
- Sometimes I have it sometimes I don't
- This is a long list
- And it's still going
- Omg
- I'd like to publish my poetry if possible
- I'm still thinking of becoming an editor
- But I don't know if I could do that
- I'd like a job where I never got yelled at
- But that's probably not possible
- I wish I wasn't so afraid of screwing up and getting yelled at
- I wish people had more respect for one another
- I cry too easily and I don't like it
- I wish I could find a boyfriend
- Tumblr is still more inspiring than this site, but it's nice to be able to vent
-  I feel like I understood myself more in high school
- Time moves too fast
- I don't like it
- Jeff Daniels' speech in the beginning of The NewsRoom was awe-inspiring. See here: http://oleanderdreams.tumblr.com/post/25946691167/jeff-daniels-speech-in-the-beginning-of-the
- Sometimes I feel like I'm drowning
- I think too much and sometimes I don't like it

Jeff Daniels' speech in the beginning of The NewsRoom was awe-inspiring.

So I'm just gonna to leave it here.


“It’s not the greatest country in the world professor, that’s my answer.
Sharon, the NEA is a loser, yeah, it accounts for a penny out of our paycheck but he gets to hit you with it any time he wants. It doesn’t cost money, it costs votes, it costs air time, it costs column inches. You know why people don’t like liberals? Because they lose. If liberals are so fucking smart, how come they lose so god damn always?

And with a straight face you’re going to tell students that America is so star spangled awesome that we’re the only ones in the world that have freedom? Canada has freedom. Japan has freedom. The UK, France, Italy, Germany, Spain, Australia, BELGIUM has freedom.

So, 207 sovereign states in the world, like 180 of them have freedom.

And you, sorority girl, just in case you accidentally wander into a voting booth one day there’s somethings you should know. One of them is there’s absolutely no evidence to support the statement that we’re the greatest country in the world. We’re 7th in literacy, 27th in math, 22nd in science, 49th in life expectancy, 178th in infant mortality, 3rd in median household income, Number 4 in labor force and Number 4 in exports, we lead the world in only three categories: Number of incarcerated citizens per capita, number of adults who believe angels are real, and defense spending where spend more than the next 26 countries combined, 25 of whom are allies.

Now none of this is the fault of a 20 year old college student, but you none the less are without a doubt a member of the worst period generation period ever period, so when you ask what makes us the greatest country in the world, I don’t know what the fuck you’re talking about. Yosemite?

It sure used to be. We stood up for what was right. We fought for moral reasons. We passed laws, struck down laws for moral reasons. We waged wars on poverty, not poor people. We sacrificed, we cared about our neighbors, we put our money where our mouths were and we never beat our chests. We built great big things, made ungodly technological advances, explored the universe, cured diseases, and cultivated the world’s greatest artists and the world’s greatest economy. We reached for the stars, acted like men, we aspired to intelligence, we didn’t belittle it, it didn’t make us feel inferior.

We didn’t identify ourselves by who we voted for in the last election and we didn’t scare so easy. We were able to be all these things and do all these things because we were informed, by great men, men who were revered. First step in solving any problem is recognizing there is one. America is not the greatest country in the world anymore. Enough?”

I've been waiting two months to cry like this. I'm wondering why it didn't happen sooner... fuck...

I update tumblr more than this thing.

Fantastic day today with Sam, Devin and Fiona :) Awesome day is awesome. Fun times. Hope they had fun today too!

Discovered Birthday Cake tea. It smells so delicious... and also discovered Cake vodka. Awesome. Can't wait to hopefully go tea shopping. I loved all the varieties. And can't wait to move into my new apartment, although I will miss Thomas and Katie.

Here's some more inspirational quotes that I like: http://oleanderdreams.tumblr.com/tagged/quote

Ok, I'm just going to go on a rant, because this is a blog.

I woke up not exactly feeling happy. I'm kind of freaking out that I don't have a job yet  (I had a dream last night that I was back at Superstore and other stuff) and think that yeah, I should've tried back in May, although I might've missed my Grampy's funeral if that was the case and I didn't want to...

I might (will most likely) have to have a job next year, and my gpa already overall freking sucks. So I don't know if having a job would be a good or bad thing. So I'm panicking about that.

And I love my roommates, but with the bulls*it that has gone on... I mean, for an example, Katie sent my mom an email complaining and judging me about what I don't do (even my eating habits, but they're rarely there during the night). Even though neither my mom or I said anything about what they don't do around the apartment before Katie sent my mom that email. She complained how I only clean occasionally and Thomas said that they clean a 'trillion times' more than me. Yes, that would explain the build up of dirt I see on the floor from their immaculate cleaning. Katie complained how I don't clean my crumbs off the kitchen. I've been keeping the bathroom clean for most of the time so I think one of them could look after the kitchen. I think what we needed was to break it up into rooms for each of us to clean. And other stuff was said too. Lots of overreacting by both of my roommates, as usual. The entire situation is just totally freking stupid. My mom even said at the beginning that we need to make a list of who does what and stuff. They keep their room clean more than the apartment...

I'm using the Irish version of the f word. I'm not sure if it's spelled right.

Plus I'm not sure what I want to do after University, and if I want to go to another school I probably won't be able to because my gpa overall is ridiculous.

I'm currently glad I made a blog.

I'll be living on my own next year, and I realize that every year since I entered University I'vie had roommates, which was a major difference from high school where it was only me. So I'm hoping that that'll make a difference.

I'm totally having a flashback to greatestjournal.

Not doing much today. Laundry, semi cleaning the apartment, and updating tumblr.
And updating my blog to say that I'm updating my other blog...
This is my life.

Here's a quote: "The most violent element in society is ignorance." - Emma Goldman

"People disappear when they die. Their voice, their laughter, the warmth of their breath. Their flesh. Eventually their bones. All living memory of them ceases. This is both dreadful and natural. Yet for some there is an exception to this annihilation. For in the books they write they continue to exist. We can rediscover them. Their humor, their tone of voice, their moods. Through the written word they can anger you or make you happy. They can comfort you. They can perplex you. They can alter you. All this, even though they are dead. Like flies in amber, like corpses frozen in the ice, that which according to the laws of nature should pass away is, by the miracle of ink on paper, preserved. It is a kind of magic." - Diane Setterfield

... It's like Greatestjournal

Omg, my teenhood

Here's some inspirational quotes I like:

"Open your mouth only if what you are going to say is more beautiful than silence.” - Arabic proverb

"We live in critical world, where a face is more important than a heart."

 

 "Physics split the atom. Psychology split the mind. Philosophy split knowledge. Politics split society. Religion split our soul. Psychonauts explored chaos and found only patterns."

"Common sense tells us that our existence is but a brief crack of light between two eternities of darkness." - Vladimir Nobokov"

"What the world needs is a group hug."

"We’re all going to die, all of us, what a circus! That alone should make us love each other but it doesn’t. We are terrorized and flattened by trivialities, we are eaten up by nothing."  - Charles Bukowski

"The seeds of death get lost in the mess that God made us." - The Virgin Suicides

"Some people are old at 18 and some are young at 90. Time is a concept that humans created." - Yoko Ono 1977

"When I was 5 years old, my mother always told me that happiness was the key to life. When I went to school, they asked me what I wanted to be when I grew up. I wrote down ‘happy’. They told me I didn’t understand the assignment, and I told them they didn’t understand life." - John Lennon