I'm missing Bwater. I miss being able to walk everywhere and the fact that it's quiet. The city has more shops which is awesome, but it's more busy. Which isn't always bad. But I miss that feeling of community. I miss everyone getting along and stuff. I miss that feeling of freedom and that anything was possible. I had a goal in high school and I since I've entered University I feel like I don't really have a goal. Plus, in high school  I had friends in my classes and I've only had that once since getting to University.

My mom talks about her experience in University and I'm so envious. The whole 70's general vibe or whatever you want to call it sounds better than now, at least for me, most of the time. People talked to other people and had discussions about things. It was more community like in University than, to me anyways, it seems now or maybe I'm going to the wrong University or something. I like having discussions and actually talking about things, not just gossip. Plus, I think I'm terrified of getting a job because I'm scared to get yelled at. I don't handle well being yelled at.

I'm terrified of getting a job and being stuck at it for the rest of my life and not being able to leave the province. I just want to travel somewheres, and I feel like mostly everyone else has gotten to do that. And I'm stuck here. I don't even know what I want to do with my life. I hate it. I want to have a goal, to give me some motivation and stuff.

Contemplating just moving home to Bwater after I, hopefully, graduate. I feel like everything has been moving so fast since graduating and I have anxiety about like, everything, and I don't like it. I don't like making things a big deal, even if they are, and try not to. I mean I just keep thinking that in like, a hundred years, no one's even going to know that I existed so some things that I do won't even matter.

I need to stop thinking.

nostalgia

Going all greatestjournal on this thing...

I miss the freedom I felt in high school. The feeling that anything was possible. I don't have that feeling as much as I used too.

I also miss the simplicity of walking up to the video store on fridays after school and renting a movie like, every other weekend from Gr 9 to Gr 12, and also taping the movie that came on every friday night on Space channel which were labeled Friday Frightmare, and taping other movies that came on on the weekends...

I have so many vhs tapes all labeled with the movies I've recorded...

Maybe it's just cause this last year, which went by way too fast, was good first term but then January onward (excluding January 1st :p) I didn't really do a lot...

I honestly don't really have any idea what I want to do in life. I think I would like a 9-5 job with weekends off, then I could actually plan my life and maybe do something with friends on the weekend. But I'm not sure which job that's like that that I'd try and strive for. I was thinking Editor but now I'm not sure...

I would at some point like  to try and sell my poetry or something...

I wish the video store wasn't open 24/7 365 days a year. At least I don't think it should be open on Holidays.

Plus at school I saw people every day, five days a week for ten months. I had friends in classes and could work on homework together. Since getting to University I haven't had that, I don't have any friends in my classes, and I hate that. I haven't, except for Sam first term this past year, had anyone to study with or anything...

Ok, I'm done complaining...