I thought my life would be somewhat different from how it is now. I thought I'd be something, and want to be something, by the time I was 23. There are so many things I want to do. I currently just want to travel, since I've been basically nowhere so far. But I don't have the means to save up any money. It's infuriating.
I thought I'd know myself better by now. I think I knew who I was more in high school. I've felt lost the last 5 years. Like I couldn't separate myself from people in general and how we're all the same and that I wasn't any different from them at all and that my likes and dislikes didn't really matter.
I think also in part that I thought I had to be a certain way because by society you're an adult and you're supposed to know all these things and I feel like I'm behind with everyone else regarding certain things and that there's just this pressure...
I'm not even sure what I'd be good at. I want to become and Editor but I don't know if I'm good at that. I have basically no idea what I'm going to do once I get my English degree, or what I can do. And even if I want to do something else I probably won't be able to because my gpa is the pathetic. I wish someone would have explained university and stuff to me, or at least better. And I'm annoyed at myself and my lack of understanding things and how in order to fully understand something I need someone to explain it very specifically, even though I wouldn't really know if what they're explaining is allowing me to really understand it or not til later on or something.
I just want a car and to travel before I get stuck at some job and never see the world. I'm terrified I'm going to be stuck here for the rest of my life.
I feel like, in some regards, that I've wasted the last five years of my life.
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